is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
