im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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