I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
