If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
