I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
