my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
