Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
