WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
