If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
