just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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