walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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