3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
