we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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