yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Randomize
