South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
