My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Randomize
