So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
