I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
