that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
