I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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