drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
