also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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