do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
