i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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