This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You pole danced in your parka.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
