why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Randomize
