Sry I called you an 8
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
