he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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