I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
