I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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