Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
