I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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