She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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