who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Randomize