Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
