Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Randomize
