apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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