Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
