Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I FOUND THE LEGS
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
