hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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