Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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