I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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