This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
