the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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