3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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