there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Randomize
