bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
