Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize