Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize