How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
