i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
