So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
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