If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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