she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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