you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
