Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
