So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
