yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
