is your mom at the bar?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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