So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
