We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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