So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
