So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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